You really have to wonder what they were thinking with Milky. Especially with Kenner, it's maker, pitching it as a pre-school toy for ages as young as 3. Why? Because Milky produced "milk", that the kids couldn't drink, under any conditions. Instead of Milky The Marvelous Milking Cow, she should have been called Milky The Child Poisoning Cow. To compound things Milky was made as a promotional tie-in with General Foods, to promote breakfast cereals.

The advertising blurb with Milky read: "Milky, The Marvelous Milking Cow. Milky drinks from trough, gives pretend milk. HOW IT WORKS: Fill see-through trough with water, place "milk" tablets in udder. Push Milky's head in trough, pump her tail, she drinks. When she's has enough, she raises her head and "moos". Then she's ready to be milked through her rubber udders. Comes with bucket, cow bell, vinyl pasture pad, non-toxic [still don't drink the milk!!!] tablets and booklet the tells the story of how milk gets from the cow to the home."

The true bizarre wonders of Milky can best be experienced by watching the TV commercial for her. Forget the dodgy milk that you had to warn kids not to drink! You were also teaching them that it is okay to ram an animals head into its feed bucket and force feed it, grab her tail and pull on it, until it wails out "STOP!!! No more!" Or "moos" in cow language. Milky the "Let's Pretend" toy of fun animal abuse for all the family. There's no wonder it has since become a cult toy.

The Mighty Tint Record Player was produced by Ohio Art in 1970. Ohio Art are famous for the creation of Etch-A-Sketch. the Mighty Tiny Record Player, described under the tag-line "World's Smallest Record Player", ans came packaged with 3 "tiny" 2" records to play on it, each only lasting a matter of a few seconds each. The records themselves were so small, and as it was only lasting a tiny amount of time, they came without labels. Due to them all looking the same, each had a small number etched onto it, so that you could match it up with its sleeve, if you mixed them up. 

The Mighty Tiny Record Player itself was little more than a motorised turntable, and a steel needle that played the record. The needle itself vibrated against a domed piece of plastic, that acted as the player's speaker. The player was turned on by closing the lid, and had no way volume control or ear-phone jack to enhance the sound or listen to the tiny tinny sounds it produced privately. Though the turntable did have an adjustable speed, as the motor was prone to speed fluctuations, that would distort the sound of the record. Another model of the Mighty Tiny was produced called the Stereoper, which resembled a home cabinet stereo system of the period. 

How better to listen to the Monster Mash by Bobby “Boris” Pickett and the Crypt-Kickers (1962), than with this awesome "monster" speaker, based on Universal's Frankenstein's Monster. A 8" high plastic disembodied cranium of the monster, with a speaker built into the top of his flat head. A perfect piece of ghoulish fun to get any party kicking, originally priced at $5.98, these highly collectible kitsch items of horror memorabilia are selling for high prices on eBay.

Prefect for listening to some campy horror rock, like Screamin Jay Hawkins or Screaming Lord Sutch, however hearing The Beatles singing She Loves You or Please Please Me might have been an odd experience.

This one is a real "what-the-hell?!" toy from Marx toy company. The company that brought you Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots. Released in 1970 Skinny Bones was a creepy construction kit, that allowed children to build a little freaky friend that same size as them. This cute-faced stick thin creature from the bowels of toy hell was part of a whole family of Bones abominations. There was Ginny Bones, the anorexic female counterpart of Skinny. They also had skinny pets. Skinny Bones had a badly neglected nag called Trom Bones (see what they did there?) And Ginny had an emaciated dog called Ham Bones. I assume that the parts of the Bones Family were all interchangeable, so that children could mix and match parts to create even more hideous monsters, to haunt their nightmares. And bring chills to any parent coming in the bedroom, to give their little cherub a kiss goodnight.

What you would do with either Skinny or Ginny bones after you had built them is a mystery. And as far as the tenuous educational value of, "the foot bones is connected to the ankle bone... etc..." Well I can see very little play value in the Bones Family, but years of counselling for owning this life-size plastic skeletal creep-fest was surely on the cards.  

Clip from America TV show Thrift Hunters, featuring Skinny Bones.

Whatever most of those instruments are doesn't matter to most, but when you tell people it came with actual radioactive materials, they are often dumbfounded. Yeah sure they were in ore form, and so were not highly dangerous. Little Tommy wasn't going to be making a nuclear bomb from them, but still this was a toy science lab for kids that did have a element of danger. Something no parent these days would even contemplate, in a world where we pretty much wrap our kids in cotton wool.  The Atomic Energy Lab originally sold for $49.50 (around $500 in today's money). The set included radioactive samples (alpha, beta and gamma), as well as uranium ore samples. 

Trekkie or not, surely there was no kid on the planet or in the federation that would have been seen dead wearing this monstrosity. Produced in 1976, by the  Azrak-Hamway Incorporated (AHI). The company acquired the Remco  toy company in 1974, after Remco filed for bankruptcy in 1971. As part of the acquisition AHI got the licensing rights to Star Trek. So in the 1970s they churned out a number of Star Trek tie-in toys. Some better than others, and some closer to replicas of items found on the TV series than others. The one item they brought out that bore no relation to Star Trek, was the "Official Star Trek Helmet", that has since become known as the Spock Helmet. Even though the company produced them with decals, so that kids could customise them with whichever character they wished.

The "Space Fun Helmet" was simply an insane piece of weird design. If they'd have left it at a helmet with a visor, then it would have likely disappeared into bland toy history. But the addition of the two antennas and what essentially was an emergency services flashing light on-top. That was referred to as a, “flashing light emitter with pulsing sonic sound.” 

In addition to the helmet, AHI produced a Star Trek utility belt, that allowed for the carrying of the enclosed equipment, a phaser, a communicator and a tricorder. In 1975 they also produced a phaser, the earliest electronic phaser toys. The gun isn’t what you’d call an exacting replica of the screen-used props, with its bulky size and the Gold Key-inspired“Star Trek” logo emblazoned on its side, but what the Phaser Gun loses in accuracy it makes up for in fun.  The phaser emits a "Realistic Phaser Sound" and a light shines from the front when the trigger is pressed.

While many of the AHI and Remco products released in the 60’s and 70’s are sometimes criticized for their cheap quality and wild inaccuracies, they still hold an important place in the history of Star Trek toys. As some of the earliest tie-in items from the franchise, they really are the stepping stones on Star Trek’s journey to becoming one of the most-heavily licensed properties in television history.

The Official Star Trek Helmet, has even gained infamy in its very own meme, referred to as "Spock's Helmet". Which involved photoshopping the helmet onto old pictures of Spock from the TV show and movies. Even Spock from the new Star Trek reboot franchise. 

Considered by toy collectors as the "holy grail" of monster related games, Monster Lab is a two players game produced by Ideal in 1964. The idea of the game was that players would twist the dial on the "monster control panel" at each end of the lab, in a attempt to keep "the monster" away from their end of the lab. The monster moves up and down the lab, until it reaches one end, when it raises its arms, lets out a growl and his mask falls off, revealing his hideous face beneath. Sounds and looks really cool. However apparently the game play really sucked, and the game was one more of chance than of skill.

Kids quickly got bored of playing the game, and Ideal soon ceased production. Hence why the game is so rare to find, and so collectible. So collectible in fact that mint condition versions of the game have sold for thousands of dollars at auction. The game sold originally for $16, and made its first appearance on the Magilla Gorilla TV show in 1964. It was also featured in the December issue of Popular Mechanics that year.

Gay Bob was an action figure, that looked surprisingly similar to G.I. Joe, but was advertised as being "openly gay". He was a 13" flannel shirt, tight jeans and cowboy boots wearing blue eyed "action man". Sounds like G.I. Joe on his day off! He was created by advertising executive Harvey Rosenberg, and marketed through his own company.

Gay Bob caused some out-rage at the time, not just because he was an openly gay action figure, but because he was anatomically correct. Rather than the smooth sexless G.I. Joe, Gay Bob was all man! He was modelled  on a cross between Robert Redford and Paul Newman. Bob’s packaging was a box in the shape of a closet, and he came with a catalog from where you could order additional fashionable clothing. 

On the side of Bob's "closet" it told you who to "enjoy" him. Among them were "Take me to parties, I know the latest dance breaks", "Take me to meet your folks, your mom will love talking to me", "Invite your friends to meet me, they'll love how I'm built", and "Use me for therapy, I'm very understanding".

It really doesn't get any creepier than Remco's Baby Laugh A Lot from 1971. This doll literally laughed like a maniacal serial killer, and even came with a rocking chair for added creepy effect. Stick some batteries in her and children would be exposed to the laugh of an insane maniac, but wait until the batteries started to run down. And then Baby Laugh A Lot entered a whole new world of weird, as she turned from a rocking high-pitched crazy doll to a low-pitched satanic nightmare doll. However you played with her, Baby Laugh A Lot must have seriously damaged a whole generation of little girls who were unfortunate enough to be given her as a present.

Oh for the love of Jarts, or Lawn Darts as they're otherwise known. The most fun garden toy ever before the idea of health and safety, before parents wrapped their kids in cotton-wool. Jarts ruled the air in many a garden in the 70s and 80s. Kids in fits of hysterics as they looked skyward, dodging the lethal missile hurtling towards them. Even if you started playing the game correctly, the darts soon were sent flying  vertical, as high as possible.