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How To Have Cybersex On The Internet!

3/8/2015

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This video clip from 1997 first popped its head up on the Weird Wide Web last year. Originally a brilliantly funny instructional video found by the curators of the Found Footage Festival Nick Prueher and Joe Pickett, in a Minnesota thrift store, on an old VHS tape. With the bad fashion of the presenter, her sudden unexplained appearance topless, and hysterically delivered dead-pan lines like, "I’ll show you how to reach a cybersex climax. We’ll also visit others who have mastered the art of one-handed typing." It's a gem of a find.
Literally the most unerotic video about sex you may ever see. The delay in her typing, and the response, in typing lines like. "I'm very horny and I'm looking for some good cybersex are you interested?" To which our pervert at the other end of the dial-up connection replies, "Yesssssssssss" is classically creepy 90s chatroom/cybersex foreplay.
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Crazy Christian Album Covers: The BEst Of The REst!

2/8/2015

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The crazy Christian album covers have been a popular Sunday feature over the past few months. Starting with the Touched By The Hand Of God series (part 1 and part 2), and God's Dummy: Christian Ventriloquists.  All followed by The Further Adventures Of Crazy Christian Album Covers. 

There are plenty more out there to be found on the Weird Weird Web, but today's Sunday blog brings you the 12 best of the rest, that I've come across while digging around. Saving some of the best until last, from a Christian ex-wrestler, to the blind Chinese choir for Christ. 

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Toys: Cymbal Banging Monkey

30/7/2015

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The classic creepy toy, that's featured in many a horror movie. This little fellow always randomly starts banging his cymbals, just before something really bad is about to happen. The startling pre-warning to bigger shocks to come.

The classic version of the manic mechanical monkey was manufactured by the Japanese company Daishin C.K., during the 1950s to 1970s under the name "Musical Jolly Chimp". Over the years a number of other toy manufactures have copied the basic design of the monkey, marketed under variety of names. 
The classic monkey, is seen wearing red and white striped pants and a yellow vest with red buttons. The monkeys are often produced with red rings painted around their wide-open eyes, creating an appearance some find disturbing, which could perhaps explain their many appearances in horror, sci-fi and other movies over the years. The earliest known appearence is in 1955's Rebel Without A Cause, when James Dean is shown drunk, playing with one of the monkeys in the middle of the street.
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One of the most famous appearances of the monkey is in the 1977 film Close Encounters Of The Third Kind, when one suddenly begins clapping its cymbals as a UFO appears. The toy is featured in "The Monkey", a Stephen King short story from his 1985 book Skeleton Crew, which uses the monkey as its cover image. The monkey has also appeared in computer games, animations, as well as TV shows as diverse as The Simpsons, Dr. Who and Wallace & Gromit.
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More Fun With Your 22 Rifle (1951)

29/7/2015

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Sponsored by the Sporting Arms and Ammunition Manufacturers' Institute, produced by American Visuals Corporations, and all wrapped up in the NRA (National Rifle Association). This one-shoot give-way comic was advertised in the back of many "boys won" magazines and comic books in the early 1950s. Often given away with "How To Be An NRA Ranger" pamphlet, and NRA Ranger targets, for shooting practice. 

The comic contains all kinds of insidious NRA propaganda, about "pioneering" Americans, guides of what to and not to shoot, along with all kinds of "fun" with rifles. Which includes "Games and Targets" with your rifle. Sending the message, that while you must be safe with your new rifle, guns are fun, guns are great, guns, guns, and more guns!!!

And us non-American folk still wonder why there is such an ingrained fascination for guns in the United States! 

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The Craziest Christian TV Show Ever: The Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson.

5/7/2015

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Take a creepy opera singing Christian ventriloquist, add a surreal cast of characters, truly trippy graphics, and put it all on a Public Access cable TV channel, and you are somewhere towards the complete package of madness that is puppeteer David Liebe Hart's world.

Hart himself claims to have been one of the first Afican-Americans to have been abducted by aliens. The nature of their mission was revealed to him by one alien that looked like Bettie Page, named Jezebel. Who also took the form of a giant insect.  
Aside from referencing his abduction experiences, Hart uses his puppets to push a strong anti-drugs and alcohol message on the TV show. Assisted by a cast of characters that look like they are either acid casualties, or currently tripping off their faces. The heavy use of blue-screen and Chroma Key, ultra low-budget production values, along with the creepy cast of puppets, and Hart's strange singing voice, make for one of the strangest TV experiences anyone will ever see. 
Aside from the puppets, there's a strange cast of human characters that join Hart in the show. These include Count Smokula, the accordion playing vampire that smokes cigarettes on screen, and a variety of seemingly whacked out musicians, in costumes and masks. Including the guitarist in the alien mask, which is more than enough to give any kid nightmares. Making Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson, a show that has gained a cult status, and has to be seen to be believed.
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Clowns For Christ!

28/6/2015

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The Reverend Floyd T. Shaffer, is a clown for Christ, as part of the Clown Ministry. One of the best known "religious clowns" in the United States, Floyd started clowning in 1969, at the height of the counter-culture movement. He was a Lutheran minister when he first took to clowning, and has actively encouraged others to do the same, with books like his Clown Ministry. He founded Faith and Fantasy, nondenominational clown ministry, which taught students how to choose their clown names and characters, put on make-up and perform. There are students like John Garrett and his wife, who become "Frank and Sense," a sad clown, and his wife becomes "Ariana Springtime" a happy clown.
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Apparently the Clown Ministry and Fath and Fantasy, lasted well into the 90s. It must have produced dozens of creepy clowns for Christ over the years.  Where they are? Who knows! But there is my favourite clowns for Christ, I came across, not because of Rubbish clown names, or their quite frankly scary make-up (even for clowns). No for their gimmick, or Skipper, the only gospel monkey known.  There are levels of wrong, in all of that, to weird to comprehend.
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Board GAmes: Green Ghost (1965)

15/6/2015

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The first, and probably one of the only board games designed to be played in the dark. Tag-lined as,  "The Exciting Game of Mystery that Glows in the Dark." Players worked their way through a 3-D ghost town that sat on a board supported by stilts, with trapdoors in the playing board.
Players spun the large Green Ghost (supposedly modelled on The Blob), to tell them how many spaces to move. As they collected keys to the trapdoors, and searched for the 12 hidden "ghost kids", one of which was called Kelly, and was the lost child of the Green Ghost. But which one? When all 12 ghost kids have been retrieved from the traps, they are placed in little holes on the Green Ghost spinner. The spinner is spun one last time, and whichever child he points to is Kelly, and the player that found that child is declared the winner.
The game was made by Transogram. mass-produced the game in 1965, then sold its toy interests to Marx Toys in 1970. The game became very popular, and original versions are highly collectible. In 1997 Marx Toys produced a 30th Anniversary edition of the game.
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Possum Trot: The Life And Work Of Calvin Black (1903 - 1972)

11/6/2015

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Calvin Black was a doll maker and backyard folk artist, who lived with his wife Ruby in the Mojave Desert in California. They moved near to Yermo, south of Death Valley in 1953, to open a rock and minerals shop. While Ruby managed the shop, Calvin chose to build dolls, as a way of attracting customers to their shop in the middle of nowhere. The place was called Possum Trot, a southern expression for the shortest distance between two points.
The shop and the land they owned was a desert ghost town, where in the largest building Calvin built his Fantasy Doll Theater, which was powered by a windmill he had built. Along with a clever contraption of strings, pulleys, hidden tape recorders and animatronics, trained ventriloquist Calvin would put on shows.  He carved the heads and made the bodies of over 8 dolls, which Ruby clothed. Most were female, and often based on friends, family and celebrities. The couple were childless, and Calvin often referred to his dolls as his children. The collection spread out for hundreds of yards along the roadside, either side of the shop. Each doll named, and carrying a sign around its neck.
After Calvin's death in 1972, the dolls were abandoned to the harsh desert weather. Calvin wanted the dolls destroyed after his death, but Ruby refused. Ruby died in 1980, and what remained of the dolls were sold off, some making it to museums across the United States. However it was in their original desert context that the dolls were best experienced. Possum Trot the documentary gives viewers an insight into the weird world of the Blacks.
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Crazy Christians Are At It Again. Books, Pamphlets, and Biblical Buffoonery!

7/6/2015

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More Sunday sermon madness, with Christian literature from yesteryear. Featuring classic tracts from of America's most renowned pulpit pounding preachers, like C. S. Lovett and V. W. Grant. We have the satanic hell that is "modern dance", and how the devil is forcing you to eat food that makes you fat. As well as Jogging For Jesus and we are asked the question Does God Ever Talk Through Cats? 
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Cult Film Friday: Nekromantik (1987)

5/6/2015

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One of last month's Cult Film Friday selections wasDer Todesking by German director Jörg Buttgereit. But the director is best known for his earlier controversial film NEKRomantik, which found itself on banned lists around the world. In Britain it made its way onto the infamous Video Nasties list of the 1980s, and wasn't released uncut until 2014.

The film tells the story of a street cleaner, who works for a company that clears up dead bodies found in public. As part of his work he collects the corpse of a dead gardener, killed in a shooting accident and takes it home for his girlfriend. They are both necrophiliacs, and engage in all kinds of depraved acts with the human remains that litter the house. Eventually his girlfriend leaves him, to start a romantic relationship with the corpse. Despondent the man, tries to get over his loss by seeking out a prostitute, who he murders in a cemetery and has sex with the corpse. Discovered laying with the corpse by an old man, he cuts the man's head off with a shovel.
This jolly little film ends with the infamous scene (as if some of the scenes aren't bad enough already), of him committing suicide by stabbing himself while ejaculating. And they wonder why it was banned.
NEKRomantik is a nasty film. The subject matter is disturbing and it is presented in the most disgusting way possible. And that's the point. This is a horror film with arthouse pretensions. Buttgereit is purposely pushing the boundaries of shock film-making. There are more disturbing films, more gory films, more disgusting films. But there aren't many films that have been made that are genuinely something you can simply describe as being "nasty".
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