8-Bit Porn: Mystique And Their Atari 2600 Games
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When you think of the blocky 8-bit graphics of the classic video game console the Atari 2600, it’s likely that the erotic possibilities of the graphics eluded you. Not so for the software company Mystique. The company imagined a whole adult world of video gaming potential, and so in the early 80s produced a series of unlicensed pornographic video games for the Atari 2600. Mystique were an off-shoot of one of the oldest porn producers in the United States, called Caballero Home Video. Caballero were known as the General Motors of Porn, and had some of the most famous porn stars of the 70s and 80s appear in its skin flicks. So it may not be so unusual that they decided to branch out into video game porn, today their titles have gone down in retro gaming mythology as some of the worst, weirdest and decidedly un-erotic games in history.
The game that started it all and the most controversial of the lot was Custer's Revenge. Controversial because of its plot which involved what seemed like the simulated rape of a Native American woman. |
Not forgetting that the character was a naked guy with a massive erect cock, based on the historical figure of General George Armstrong Custer. Custer's Revenge was sold in a sealed package labeled "NOT FOR SALE TO MINORS" a then extortionate for $49.95. The game's literature stated "if the kids catch you and should ask, tell them Custer and the maiden are just dancing." The cringe-worthy text on the back of the box stated "she's not about to take it lying down, by George! Help is on the way. By God! He's coming." The game was not only in bad taste, but bad quality. Considered as one of the worst games of all time.
As if Custer’s Revenge wasn’t bad enough, Mystique produced was Beat 'Em and Eat 'Em! In eth game the player controls to cum hunger women, who run around trying to catch the seemingly never ending shots from the well-hung guy on the rooftop above. Weirdly the semen he shoots is yellow! God knows what STI he must have had to cause that. Mystique did produce a switched version of the game, known as Philly Flasher, in which a “witch” lactates from the rooftop while two guys with erections had to catch her milk.
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Mystique went out of business during the infamous video game crash of 1983, and the rights to all their games were sold to Playground a spin-off company that re-released the Mystique titles as double-ended cartridges. Oddly it’s the re-release that shows that the games weren’t just meant for men, and that they produced versions of some of their games from a female perspective. As mentioned with Beat ‘Em and Eat ‘Em and its flipped version Philly Flasher. Or then again possibly not! As in Philly Flasher, when the men catch the milk they masturbate and then ejaculate. Another example of the double-ended games is Burning Desire and Jungle Fever. In the first the player is a naked dude hovering in a helicopter who must ejaculate to put out a fire and save the woman below, while she has to grab your penis to be air-lifted to safety. Not forgetting the rock throwing cannibals. In the opposite version Jungle Fever, you play a woman who must lactate to put out the fire. Other double-enders from Playground, attempted to reverse the roles in the games, why and what the point of this was is anyone’s guess. Probably a question best left to gaming history.
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